07 Bye bye Southeast Asia (EN)

Spontanously crushed into a Banksy exhibition in Bangkok

 

 (created on 29.12.2022, photos added on 30.12.)

Here it is, the last real day of travelling. I'm not even counting tomorrow, because tomorrow I'll spend the whole day on the ferry, on the bus, on the plane, in the taxi, and again on the plane - in that order. All so that I can be shipped, piece by piece, out of this dreamy, dazzling life I've been leading for the last few months in Cambodia and the last few days on Koh Phangan in Thailand, and back to wintry Europe. Copy, paste. The last week in Phnom Penh was particularly intense. I wanted to do everything one last time, but at the same time not slip into that all-too-familiar Fear of Missing Out and overdo it. One last time to eat at my favourite restaurants and cookshops (of which I now have many) in Phnom Penh. One last time stocking up on papayas, mangoes and dragon fruit at the street market. One last time playing volleyball, one last time dancing at Heart of Darkness and watching the drag queen show at Blue Chilli. One last time adoring my yoga instructor doing aerial yoga. One last time sitting behind my favourite colleague Mey on the scooter and whizzing between glittering skyscrapers, street vendors, TukTuks, all sorts of possible and impossible stuff. I tried to let the time pass more slowly, to swim against it somehow, but it just did what it always does: it passed. Suddenly I found myself in a feedback meeting with Daniel and Monika (which, by the way, turned out very well, my work report is also impressive), suddenly there was my farewell party with coffee, brownies and banana bread. 

Never know what's harder - leaving the animal buddies or the human buddies behind me....

And in no time at all it was Friday, 23 December. The evening before Christmas, and my last day at KAS, my last day in Cambodia. And there it was: seeing the team for the last time, being hugged by some for the first and at the same time for the last time for the time being. To bum one last of those Korean, long, narrow "weekend-is-here" cigarettes from my favourite colleague, theoretically supervisor and party buddy Soumy and smoke them with relish on the office balcony, sipping leftover red wine from the last KAS event. Daniel always says in such moments: "Thank you, German taxpayer!" Finally, slipping out of the gate in front of the office one last time, another gin and tonic as a nightcap. I'm exhilarated and come home for the last time to my flat, where my packed stuff is already waiting for me. Falling into my bed with the hard mattress one last time. Coincidentally, Niraj called me from Nepal on this last night in Cambodia, which somehow closed the circle. After all, the whole adventure started with a flight to Kathmandu - the trek around Annapurna and the time with the Gautam's seems so far away somehow, yet so close. One last wake up surrounded by the noise of construction sites, dogs barking, roosters crowing, the same people driving past my house with loudspeakers advertising whatever. The last drive in Cambodia. It's early in the morning, I sit in the back seat of the taxi and soak up every corner of Phnom Penh once more. Although I have only lived here for three months, they exist, these corners that now tell my own personal story for me. I check in my luggage, go through security, everything happens dizzyingly fast. 

I land in this strange intermediate zone, where I am already officially out of Cambodia, the exit stamp is emblazoned on my passport, but I am still physically completely present in the country. The stamp says: it's inevitable, you have to leave here now. I get on the plane. As quickly as the procedure at the gate was completed, the minutes until departure drag on endlessly. I listen to music and cry. How many times have I cried on planes and trains somewhere in the world? I don't know. I hate it, and I love it. That state when you have grown to love people, cultures, foods, smells, soundscapes, the feel of the earth under your feet, the nights danced through and the sunrises and sunsets in more than one place in the world. For me, Cambodia was and is a country from which I expected nothing and somehow everything. Nothing in the sense that I was already familiar with life in Southeast Asia before that, and this part of the world has become a comfort zone for me by now. All because I expected a lot from my internship at KAS - which turned out to be true. My time as a Junior Research Associate definitely helped me grow personally and professionally, and I experienced for the first time what it means to have a job that you really enjoy doing every day. There was never a day when I went to the office unmotivated. I loved this job and the challenges it brought. And I was encouraged to continue on my path towards political work or journalism.

The Apsara thinks the same, by the way.

Cambodia surprised, enchanted and touched me. There is something about this country that holds you and doesn't want to let you go. I had an insanely good time here. Whether I was standing around dressed up in a pub and letting myself be beguiled by the glitter bling bling of Phnom Penh's nightlife, or mud-splattered on my moped to the pepper farm - I had a very intimate self-awareness the last few months. It was an exhilarating feeling to be a single, blank slate in a roaring, paralysing and bustling city like Phnom Penh. 

I never thought there would be photos of me clubbing again in this lifetime. Note the old white man in the background :P

Same outfit, this time with lots of mud. The authentic me!

I have been able to nourish and nurture this feeling of inner independence over the last few months, and I want to keep this independence, even if it means going back to Europe tomorrow night. The year 2022 has been good to me. The year started in the windy, icy streets of New York, and now I'm spending the last days of this year in a yoga retreat on Koh Phangan. When I think about it, I can hardly believe the opportunities and possibilities I was given this year. Well, the return to Bavaria on Saturday is not the end of the story... Soon I'll be off to Finland for ERASMUS. But one step at a time. In this yoga retreat I'm mainly focusing on being present, hence my miserable to non-existent accessibility on messengers and on social media the last days. That's why I'm now focusing on the present moment again, leaning back in my deck chair, soaking up the sun and reading "Under the Tuscan Sun" by Frances Mayes - yes, I do indeed still have Italy-itis....

A presto, un mille dei bacioni!

Vroni